I knew my surgery for cancer was going to be extreme and dangerous and I was genuinely worried I was going to die. I bought one of those – this is my life books to fill in so my children (who were only 2-years and 11-months at the time of my surgery) would have some of my memories should my worst fear be realised.
One of the questions was ‘what do you wish you had done?’ Quite poignant at the time, I was only 32, thinking about things I wasn’t going to get to experience was not easy, but there were three things I wished that I had done;
Gone to University to read Literature and Writing.
Become an author.
It can be a strange time after cancer because everything is exactly the same, yet everything has changed. Most women I have spoken to go through big internal changes after getting the all clear. I have described it to people as being like a ‘shedding of the skin.’ You want to peel away the past, shake off anything that is pre-all-clear. Obviously you don’t want to shed everything. There were plenty of things that were lovely about my life before cancer and after… but how do you marry those two things up?
It has become a bit of a cliché that feeling that you have cancer and suddenly realise what and where you want your life to be, but I think it is a cliché for a reason. You will never have your life put so acutely into perspective, than when you have a full on face off with your mortality.
So I applied to University (which I started part-time in 2013) and agreed with my husband we would try to visit more places. I knew I wanted to help others who are affected by cancer, which led me to start my blog and fulfil an ambition of becoming an author by writing my first non-fiction book, The Fabulous Woman’s Guide Through Cancer.
I often joke that most people realise they want to spend more time with their family, where as I decided I wanted to spend less time at home, but you know, whatever works!
What about you? Any changes for any reason? Let me know x
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