It can be strange when you are going through something quite massive – but I am sure it is not unique to me and can be applied to any situation – that sometimes the biggest breakthroughs or realisations (good and bad) can come out in the strangest of ways. Like after my mum died, I didn’t really cry at any of the big things I was ‘meant to’ cry at, like her funeral, but when someone would make it through to live rounds on X-Factor, the first thing they do (after hugging Dermot) is call their mum and that would just set something off in me. The fact that they could ring their mum and tell her that something amazing had happened to them and I couldn’t would have me in tears every time. Bizarre but true.
During my last 3 month cycle of chemotherapy a friend came to visit me I asked how she was and she said “we are all fine, just plodding along, nothing to report really” and I remember being flabbergasted. I couldn’t even think of the last time I had given an answer like that. I remember almost crying to my husband that I wanted to tell someone that I was ‘plodding along’. No one had cancer or was dying or being born – we were all just happily going on with our lives. After agreeing he would like that too and a few reassurances from hubby that our time would come I left it, unconvinced.
A friend just text asking how I was and this is exactly what I put…
We are okay thanks, just ticking along really.
Probably sounds ridiculous but I feel like I just had the most amazing post-cancer breakthrough moment. Finally I feel like things are on a slightly more even keel and not full of drama. I mean don’t get me wrong, life is still life, but for this little sliver of time, everyone is all good, we are all just plodding along and there is nothing really to report. To be honest, it’s probably been like that for a while but knowing that I have finally reached that point in my own head feels amazing!