What’s On Your 2017 Anti-Bucket List?

Any Human Heart, The Anti-Bucket List

If you haUnknown.jpegve been following me for a while you will probably be aware of my Anti-Bucket Lists.  If you haven’t or need reminding you can read all about it here but basically, when I was having treatment for advanced Colorectal Cancer I decided that when I got better I would flip the traditional ‘things-to-do-before-I-die-Bucket-List’ idea and came up with ‘The Anti-Bucket List’… these are things I am going to do because I’M ALIVE!

I think Anti-Bucket lists are different to New Years Resolutions because resolutions are more goals of the year like losing 3 stone (obviously this is on my list) or drink Green Juice everyday (also on my list), whereas the Anti-Bucket list are things I want to do and experience this year.

I think especially after or during something like cancer, it can be especially good to have one of two things to focus on that aren’t illness related.

A couple I have are…

  1. Take the children to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in the West End
  2. Visit Harry Potter World at Letchworth Studios (this has been on there for a while, I really hope that this year will be the year!)
  3. Visit somewhere new – This has been on my list the last few years but I think this will remain on my list forever…

So what are you putting on your list?  What are you going to enjoy doing this year to celebrate being alive?  Whatever they are I hope you have fun doing them and send you lots of love for 2017!

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The Bourne Diagnosis – Nicola B & the Big C

Cancer & Me

I knew that I had cancer.  I had a strong inner feeling and I knew.  I was experiencing textbook symptoms and had a basic knowledge based on a strong family history – my mother, Grandmother and Great-Grandfather all died from Bowel Cancer at ‘young’ ages.  Even so, getting diagnosed was not as easy as it should have been.

I had been getting rectal bleeding on and off, probably since 2006.  Over the years I had visited various GPs but they always said the same, that I was too young to have  Bowel Cancer, it was probably a small internal cut and if the bleeding went,  there was nothing to worry about.  The bleeding would stop so as far as the GPs were concerned, that was that.  I now know that the bleeding was probably polyps in the colon, which can bleed intermittently and it is these polyps that grow into cancerous tumours.  In hindsight this was the beginning and could have probably been dealt with in the early stages if my initial concerns and symptoms had been taken seriously.

My mum and I at my birthday, nine months before she passed away from Bowel Cancer in 2008

My mum and I at my birthday, nine months before she passed away from Bowel Cancer in 2008

During my second pregnancy in 2011 the bleeding became intolerable, even so my GP still refused to send me for tests. At my post-natal 6 week check with the GP, after ridicule for suggesting something could be seriously wrong, I pushed and pushed until finally she agreed to refer me.

The level of incompetence shown to me by GPs was staggering, I was laughed at by one doctor for even suggesting I may have cancer at my age and told by another that it was a waste of NHS money to send me for tests.  These are just a couple from a long list of examples.  People often focus on the incompetence of the GPs but before hating too much, remember this;

  • Firstly; there is no point in dwelling on that now, I’m sure they were doing their best (I do still say that through slightly gritted teeth).
  • Secondly; it is due to an outdated idea held by many GPs that Colon Cancer only affects people over 65, a misperception that must change.  Partly through raising awareness, I’m hoping speaking out will help.
  • Thirdly; for every incompetent GP I have come across I have met 100 NHS staff who are incredible and worthy of more praise than I could ever give them.
  • Lastly; I love the NHS.  When I was ill and reading blogs of the financial stress Cancer patients in the USA have, I would feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude that I live in the UK and had none of those worries thanks to the NHS.  I was going to be treated and did not need to worry about paying for it.  Amazing!

I was finally referred for a Flexible Sigmoidoscopy which is a camera in the rectum and as pleasant as it sounds!  Having said that, I remember thinking that it would be the worse thing in the world and now I know that there are much worse things, everything in perspective people!  Going into the hospital was awful.  I had a designated nurse to look after me who said at at the end, she would give me my results.  They gave me a mask so that I could take Gas & Air as I needed it and in we went.

I don’t really remember much after that for a while.  Apparently I took in so much Gas and Air whilst having the procedure I had to be put in a recovery for a while (what can I say, that stuff’s good).  Bearing in mind that I really was expecting cancer, I felt I had my theory confirmed when I asked the nurse what the verdict was and she said that the consultant was going to speak with me himself.  When the consultant said he wanted to speak with me in a private room and thought my husband should be present, I thought, this has to be the most obvious way to let someone know they have cancer, without telling them.  So as you can imagine, I was far from a shocked when the consultant  told me he had found a tumour and was sending it for further testing.  I asked if in his expert opinion it was cancer and he said yes. The consultant kept saying, I’m sure this comes as a massive surprise to you, I was thinking, “no…. not really”.

You never know how you are going to react in these situation but for me, all I kept thinking was, ok, at least we know where we are now and can start getting it treated, although at this point I had no idea just how ill I was (we will talk about that later).

My experience trying to get diagnosed made me realise how important it is to take responsibility for your own health. You know your body, you know if something is wrong.  Trust your instincts.  I know how scary it is to say to a doctor, I think your wrong or I wont accept that – I found it crippling getting the words out but thank God I did.  My surgeon later told me my cancer was so far spread that if I had waited even 6 months, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything. That’s a pretty scary thought!

As I mentioned, my misdiagnosis came from an outdated idea that Bowel Cancer affects the over 65.


BowelCancerUKIt can happen to anyone at any age so if you have any symptoms or concerns, do not take a chance.  Go, see, speak and don’t take no for an answer.  Trust me.  The wonderful Bowel Cancer UK are running a fantastic campaign ‘Right Test Right Time’ which is all about this exact topic.  Have a look and lets all take action together!!