That Dreaded Day

There is a time in every cancer survivors year when a dreaded day (or two…) comes around.  They are of course the dreaded check-ups!

I remember the first time I had to go back for a check up, pushing back the tears as I arrived the hospital.  The familiar sights and smells… immediately I felt like I was driving back for yet another chemotherapy appointment or to get some more “it’s worse than we initially thought” type horrible news.

I have gone so far as to actively try and avoid these dreaded days but they always catch up with you, usually encouraged by husband saying “Nic, what’s happening with your appointment?”  “seriously Nic, what’s happening?”

Well I couldn’t make the last appointment so I will rebook… you know…. next month… or maybe the month after… no rush hey?!

“Actually Nic – yes, there is.  Your delaying the inevitable and if there is something wrong, the sooner you find out…”

So annoying when ‘people’ are right.

The problem is the nerves don’t start as you get to your appointment.  They probably start about a month before, when you know the appointment is coming.  It’s not like it’s consuming my every thought or anything but it’s just… there.  It’s like a star that’s about to collapse -it has a fire burning inside and the stronger it gets, the more it silently consumes itself from the inside.

So that is where I have been for the last few months.  Burning up and having check-up’s which have confirmed I am still all clear (yay).

I have also been having some internal scar tissue (that has been problematic ever since the surgery and continues to be so) treated – basically the scar tissue in my cervix is growing abnormal cells which if left could turn cancerous… seriously…  You have to love the irony – it won’t because they are all over it but still… It’s surprisingly all-consuming when these dreaded days are going on.

But I’m back, and wondering, is there anything that you would specifically like me to write about over the coming weeks?

If not I shall be left to my own devices – equally fine.

But, as I say, it has not been all bad by any means- quite the opposite in fact, so here are some photo’s from my wonderful mothers day surprise – an awesome day out with my lovelies.

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Deliciously Ella’s Apple & Honey Loaf

I tried Ella’s super easy recipe for a little treat that is also ‘clean’ and I was thrilled with the results. Even as someone who doesn’t bake, it couldn’t be easier.

The recipe includes Apple purée – which is also easy you basically boil and blend apples but they do need to simmer for 40 mins and the cake baked for 50 mins so takes a little while but hardly any ‘hands on’ time.

Even more importantly it tastes amazing. Kind of like banana bread but without the guilt, amazeballs! Of course the true taste test happens when I try to give it to my 5 and 3 year olds but it also passed that rigorous taste test with flying colours!

I bought all the ingredients from Tesco online so no need to worry about any of the ingredients being too random.

I can see this becoming a regular treat in the Bourne household.

Happy eating! X

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#100ActiveDays – Day 100!!!

IMG_8849Yes Day 100, I actually can’t believe it.

Well it was actually yesterday and we spent it on a long walk around the woods near where we live on an adventure / bug hunt.

I would definitely say that #100ActiveDays has given me so much motivation, even if it hasn’t made me a lot fitter in technical terms.  Day’s when I thought I couldn’t really be bothered, I made sure I did something, even if it was just walking the school run instead of driving.

That level of motivation has also seeped through into other areas of my life and I have definitely got more energy and drive to get on with things rather than thinking, I can’t really be bothered and flopping on the sofa.  That said it has also been excellent for me tuning back into my body after the illness and treatment and learning when I need to hang back and not push my body to hard – like with my ankle, more on that later…

Another thing I have enjoy is doing so many of the activities with my husband and children, turning them into family time.  The children now love going on adventure walks and looking for bugs, even when the weather is pretty terrible.  My little daughter loves joining in when I do an exercise DVD (and by joining in I mean getting under my feet, jumping up and down and shouting ‘this is exhausting’ :)), she thinks the whole thing is hilarious.

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I was certainly hoping to do more running than I have but an old ankle injury flaring up and then falling down the stairs and bruising my ankle awfully (I’m fine by the way, I slipped whilst holding my laptop which I didn’t want to drop so I didn’t put my hands out / grab onto the banister and went sliding down instead bruising my ankle, thigh and arm – priorities?!) have meant it hasn’t been possible.  But that hasn’t stopped me bring active with walks and fitness DVD’s.

My favourite activity was Roller Skating and the children agree so the kids and I will definitely be going roller skating again soon.

But it’s not all going to end here.  I am still going to try to make sure that I remain active everyday and continue to reap the rewards.  Do you think you would try to complete #100ActiveDays?  Let me know in the comments and tell me what you will be doing.  I am confident you will find it a positive thing to do!

Happy exercising!

Nx

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#100ActiveDays – Day 45

I have been horribly ill again!  I know it is the time of year and the kids bring home all sorts of bugs, that combined with an immune system that is still a little weak is never going to end well but still, slightly annoying and it’s not doing anything to assist me in my ‘100 Active Days’ genius plan!

Literally after I sent my last post, quite specifically at 7.30pm I lost my voice and haven’t quite got back to normal.

But good will prevail and I normal service will resume shortly……

Wish me well & any tips you have to boost an immune system will be warmly welcomed! x

#100ActiveDays – Day 40

We were out and about making the most of the dry (albeit incredibly windy) weather this weekend and making the most of being near the beach.

I love where I live but if I could change something about it, I would move it to a shoreline, I just love the beach and (probably weirdly), especially in the cold, when it is deserted and in my mind, even more beautiful.

So whilst visiting Norfolk with all the family, a walk on the beach was firmly on the agenda and was made even more magical by a certain seal following us up and down the shoreline, popping its head out every few seconds to see what we were all up too!

An awesome way to spend my 40th active day!

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#100ActiveDays – Day 33

Again this is actually yesterday…..

I am going to put my normal day as it was stupidly active and I have actually woken up with aching muscles this morning.  I did not sit down ALL DAY!

Started by getting up at 6am – yes 6! – with the kids, decorating cakes, tidying, looking after them, getting everything sorted.  By 9am I was at the hall helping my fellow NCT lovelies get the hall ready for the NCT Christmas Party.  I then spent 2 hours assisting/enjoying the party and another hour helping put everything away.

Straight in the car to a kid’s birthday party – anyone who has little children will know what an all-encompassing, completely exhausting thing it is to ‘be’ at a children’s birthday party.  Was there till 4pm.

At which point I finally got to sit down, completely exhausted.  One seriously enjoyable and very active day!!

christmas party

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#100ActiveDays – Day 30

This is actually a day behind so I will post again tomorrow but yesterday – bit more dog walking with my baby girl.  For a non-dog-owner, I do like walking a dog, but I must be honest, I especially like that the dog then makes someone else’s boot all messy.  I would say it’s not too dissimilar to being an aunt of little kids and getting to hand them back when they start crying! 🙂

We walked all through the woods near where I live and I am lucky because they are lots of gorgeous places to walk around me, especially at this time of year.

Nomansland

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#100ActiveDays – Day 26

Day 26 – Dog Walking

I don’t actually have a dog, but my friend does so I was able to take advantage of the surprisingly wonderful weather today and go dog walking with all the children.  Even managed to fit in a touch of tree climbing!

I have had some awesome ‘challenges’ to keep me active over the next 74 days but do keep them coming and I will let you know how I am getting on shortly.

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#100ActiveDays – Day 23

These boots are made for walking….  I have actually got some new walking boots as I am doing so much of it in such horrendous weather, my feet can at least stay nice and dry.

As much as I love walking – and I do – I am seriously looking for some “out there” activities and I want you lovely people to be involved.  So here is what I want YOU to do….

CHALLENGE ME!

Yes, challenge me to do some sort of activity and I will try my hardest to get involved in it within my #100ActiveDays

Think of me as Harpenden’s answer to the funny guy they have on BBC Breakfast trying all the weird and wonderful sports!

Just a quick note that I HATE HEIGHTS!  Seriously.  It’s quite a new thing, started in my 20’s but anyway, I really do, so if you were to recommend some sort of abseiling or sky diving type activity, I can tell you now, I aint doing it!

Also, despite my best efforts, I don’t have a money tree, may be worth bearing in mind?!

So come on peeps, what would you like to see me doing?  Scroll right to the end of the page and leave a comment or you can Facebook or Tweet me your ideas and I promise I am going to try to do as many of them as possible!

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Full Disclaimer – It’s ultimately up to me if I do your suggestion or not… I’m not flipping insane.

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